TIP: Lord Leveson. Boost your Christmas sales by changing the title of your report to The Only Way is Ethics.
Something tells me this Steven Seagull boxset is a fake.
Note to self: empty pockets of little bits of paper.
The Leveson Inquiry was my generation’s Woodstock. Lots of mud-slinging, all the big names were there and nobody could remember anything.
My wife launched her own fragrance today. Luckily, she managed to waft most of it away before anyone else got in the lift.
Everyone has their favourite film score. Mine’s the 4-4 between the Nazis & the POWs in Escape To Victory.
TIP: PAUL McKENNA. Prove your powers by writing a book called “I Can Make Your Hair Grow Back”.
For Christmas this year I’d love to have world peace. Wait, not world peace…an iPad.
My careers teacher said I’d never achieve anything and yet, thirty years later, I’m pleased to say I have finally finished eating him.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
I can’t afford a turkey for Christmas. So I’ve bought my pet budgie a set of chest expanders and a home gym.
All my wife does is rabbit rabbit rabbit. It’s costing me a fortune in batteries.
“..the two things I hate on the internet are sexism and poorly researched information..” ~ Some bird.
My girlfriend has recently started to look up at me while she’s giving me a blow job. I think she’s been watching porn and not telling me.
We’ve just been round to our neighbours’ for lunch. Luckily they didn’t come home unexpectedly.
I’ve got a glass of water by the side of my bed. I can’t wait to sink my teeth into it.
I shall be working through the night yet again in a search for a cure for my tiredness.
“I’m going out to scrape the car,” said my wife this morning. I said “Against what?”
Just having a look at some jogging bottoms. I love living by the park.
Piracy: It’s killing the music industry. You try playing the guitar with a hook.
M