Well I wasn’t expecting that. Just been appointed Shadow Foreign Secretary.
Went to watch Lord of the Dance last night, but they seem to have taken the bit out where they drop a boulder on the fat kid with glasses.
There hasn’t been this many people leaving a party as quickly since Michael Barrymore’s pool bash.
There’s a very thin lion between a zookeeper and his literal interpretation of a ‘Don’t Feed The Animals’ sign.
Quick question: What kind of degree do you need to become one of those scientists who studies the number of spiders we eat in our sleep?
Watching the Euros. Looks like Iceland have parked the longboat.
Brexit vote leads to flood of panicked questions about what happens next, mostly from Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson.
England v. Iceland is on Monday. They’re a small country with shit weather and a self-inflicted financial crisis, but they should beat Iceland.
When fucking a dead pig isn’t the worst decision you’ve ever made.
NATURE FACT: Conger eels are the most easy to distinguish of all fish because there’s always another one behind it holding its waist.
The Beach Boys walk into a Bar Bar Bar Bar Barbara Ann. They get a round.
I’ve had enough of people saying Brits are ignorant. Now we’ve left the EU, people in both Holland and the Netherlands want a referendum too.
Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what the fuck you’ve done to your country.
I like my women like I like my McDonald’s job interviews: extremely easy and ok with me having no experience whatsoever.
We need laws to ensure political campaigns are subject to at least the same standards of truth as washing powder adverts.
Typo is short for typographical errer.
One day we’ll look back on all this and laugh and laugh and laugh and then visitors will have to leave and it’ll be time for our medication.
TIP: Soldiers. Get the top score at camouflage training by simply not turning up.
Looks like they’ve given the job of triggering Article 50 to Lord Chilcot.
Add some extra excitement to the England v Iceland game by tackling a large pile of ironing while the game is on.
A new feature is being added to Boris Bikes. As of today they’ll also be able to backpedal.
Tom Watson denies Shadow Cabinet resignations were an elaborate ploy to help him get out of seeing Coldplay.
Damn girl, are you the Virgin Mobile network because you’re not giving me a signal and you’re shit. You are cheap though.
Some of these Shadow Cabinet appointments have really made me think. They’ve made me think “I must google who that is later on”.